The Real Trans Agenda
The Trans Agenda: A Master Plan of Everyday Trans Cabal Infiltration
Leaked Document – The Ultimate Trans Agenda Exposed.
Secret Phase 1:
Be responsible for all of society’s problems, by simply waking up. Contemplate your meagre existence. Hit snooze a number of times. Question whether 6:30 a.m. is truly a civilised hour to get up. Make coffee like it’s a spell you’re casting to stay human. Forget the coffee when the postman comes. Microwave coffee. Forget it again. Microwave a third time. Drink coffee lukewarm anyway.
Secret Phase 2:
Reluctantly get dressed. Spend 30 minutes choosing between jeans and, mildly, darker jeans. Look in the mirror, nod, and say, “close enough.” Defeat mild existential dread. Mission accomplished.
Secret Phase 3:
Defiantly exist, while working a 9-to-5, and smile politely at the coworker who insists on calling everyone “buddy.” Get misgendered at work (classic Alan). Pretend to understand what the quarterly metrics mean in afternoon meeting.
Secret Phase 4:
Navigate the treacherous capitalist hellscape of grocery shopping:
- Buy oat milk, and forget actual milk.
- Realise you forgot bread.
- Go back for bread.
- End up with chips, hummus, and two candles you definitely don’t need.
- Forget the bread again.
- Shrug apathetically.
Secret Phase 5:
Dinner plans: Scrambled eggs and slightly burnt toast, because it’s 8:47 p.m. and “meal prep” is a lie you keep telling yourself. Feed the cat.
Secret Phase 6:
Watch an episode of something light—again. Say “just one more.” Suddenly it’s midnight. Reassure your cat you are, in fact, the same person despite changing into your pyjamas. Infiltrate the government and public sectors, on the way to brush your teeth.
Secret Phase 7:
While resting in bed, fill out a form to join a club, that asks for your gender. Be surprised when it offers more than two binary choices. Select appropriately. Move on with your life.
The agenda continues tomorrow with laundry, picking the cat up from the vet, paying the window cleaner, and using a public toilet in peace at some point in the day. Get misgendered on the phone.
World domination is almost within our grasp!
When we at WOT first heard whispers of “The Secret Trans Agenda,” we expected intrigue, power, maybe a laser pointer, and some cake. Instead, we got a full list of chores, errands, and everyday life. Yes, this is a witty, tongue-in-cheek take on the so-called “trans agenda,” but it’s important to highlight just how shockingly ordinary, trans lives are.
We do not want to take over spaces, we just want to be included in those spaces as the gender we are. We are not infiltrating organisations, public bodies, and governments. Actually, simply because we’re such a small minority of people, we’re majorly under-represented in those places. We do not want to use public toilets for anything other than using the toilet, washing our hands, checking the mirror, and moving on without discomfort.
Trans people are not a threat to anyone simply because we’re trans, we have no designs on anything other than living our lives authentically. Asking that we are included in life, properly, is not ‘WoKe MaDnEsS’, or the ‘Woke Mind Virus’ (I mean, just WOW), it’s just us asking for the same rights and considerations that everyone else already has.
Why is that so difficult to understand?
Perhaps because while we’re out forgetting that bread, and mowing the lawn, reactionary right wing politicians, and those who do not have the guts to stand up to hate, are creating someone to try to rally against. A boogeyman, as it were.
They picked the weakest, most vulnerable minority, with the least political power, precisely because we cannot effectively fight back against the kind of money and influence that comes with extreme right wing, ideological religious hate groups.
They’re cowards.
… right, I need to get some bread.
